Adventures at Falkland Palace & St. Andrews

I typically wake up on Saturdays with a feeling of excitement and eagerness to head out on my day trip. Today I woke up feeling extremely exhausted and not wanting to roll out of bed. My alarm actually woke me up, which is rare because I typically beat the alarm to waking. I quickly got out of bed and started setting about my morning duties in preparation for the trip.

Ray was on the computer so I talked to him for a while. I quick brushed my teeth and hair and tried to figure out what I wanted to wear. I put on a little mascara and some eye liner, so for dramatic effect and started packing my small lunch into my green corduroy purse. It made me wish I had my small blue backpack that was perfect for trips where I just need to pack something small, but still wanted to have a backpack. I got back on the computer with Ray and I was feeling cheerful and giddy, like I had the night before. Rather playful, to be honest. I asked him if he wanted to webcam real quick and we did. I felt I looked really nice on the webcam and Ray agreed. He said I looked very pretty and that made me feel really great. Then I moved the camera and showed him what I was wearing. He said I looked really great and once again marveled at how much weight I had lost overall and since I had seen him last.

With all this confidence boosting about how I looked really great, I was ready to head out to catch the bus. I asked Ray to call my cell so it wouldn’t cost me minutes but we could quick talk before I left for the day and maybe didn’t get to talk to him till Sunday sometime. As I gathered up my jacket, purse and shoes, I quickly unlocked the front door and headed up the stairs and out to the bus stop. As I bent over to tie my shoes, I realized I had forgot my trip ticket. I ran back into the apartment as quickly as possible. As I fumbled with the key to the door I realized I also forgot to put a package note on my door. No time to think about that, I burst in, grabbed my ticket, did a quick glance around for anything else and ran back upstairs to the curb. Sadly, the lady who had been standing out there was no gone and I realized I missed my bus by only a few seconds.

When I was fumbling with the key in the door to my flat, Ray made his call. I talked with him as I frantically tried to hurry back outside and once I made it back out, he became my source of rationality about whether or the not the bus had come and gone already. I had to assume that it did and it made me sad since I’d have to wait potentially another 20 minutes. But we talked. We talked about Stephen King’s Cell and we talked about what he might be doing with Kyle and about his weekend. I know he listens because he loves me, but I don’t know how he can listen to my jabber on and on sometimes. I am very thankful for it, though. He is most definitely my source of sanity in the craziness of my mind. And when you’re mostly alone all the time, even if it’s about nothing at all, it’s great to be able to talk to someone or even just to talk to help cut the horrible silence that resonates in an empty flat (neighbors and traffic excluded).

A lady showed up at the bus stop while I waited. I’d seen her before on Saturday mornings and I think even during the week. She never gets close to me, though. To be honest, people at this particular bus stop are really weird, because they never really come together… they litter themselves in an extended line down the block. That’s if, of course, there are more than 3 of us at any given time, which there rarely is. But I said my goodbyes to Ray as the 35 pulled up and I told him I’d call him in a few minutes when I arrived at campus for the long walk down to the meeting point.

I stood towards the front of the bus across from the stairs. I always do and I have this weird feeling that people are watching me. I don’t know what I’d expect since I’d standing at the front of the bus. I try to stay calm and not let any of it get to me. A few stop later a guy got on the bus with a camera case around his neck. He looked strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place where I had seen him. A very tall man and an image of Lurch entered my mind. He didn’t seem to really register me, so I figured I probably was confusing him with someone else.

My stop finally came up and the lady who stood out at the bus stop with me and Lurch both got off. I wondered who the lady was and where she goes on these mornings. Maybe someday she’ll see that we’re fellow travelers and she’ll actually say good morning. I can’t really greet someone who won’t approach me. And as I crossed the street and started heading down the Quartermile, I called Ray. I called his cell phone twice, but no answer, so I thought maybe he wanted me to call the home phone. I was in such a giddy-excited mood, I didn’t really think about waking up anyone. Ray immediately answered and went off on me about how I shouldn’t call the phone. I felt really bad, but at the same time didn’t care, because I wanted to talk to him. I’ve never accidentally called at weird hours before, so heaven forbid I do it once out of the two months he’s been living there.

I called him back on his cell phone and he told me his mom had woken up, but thankfully had decided to fall back asleep. I was telling Ray about how I started trying to wear makeup and do my hair. He was telling me I needed a perm badly, but I told him I still have a bit of a perm, I just brushed my hair out today. As I walked down the Quartermile, I was heralded by some homeless guys who were yelling politely flirtatious things at me. I smiled, waved and moved on. It was really uplifting, because I NEVER hear stuff like that. I see them often, so for all I know they recognized me and were just being funny. Ray thought it was funny too, but only because he never thinks I’m not pretty and doesn’t feel I should be surprised by people saying things like that to me. Eh… can’t help it.

As I rounded the corner into The Meadow walk, I ran into a girl I met who was from California. We waved our hellos and continued walking up to the International Student Café. I stood in front of the café and saw Lurch walk up and meet up with the girl from California. So he was coming on the trip, too. So I had seen him on Saturday mornings before. I smiled at him, but he seemed to ignore me. I said my goodbyes to Ray and I told him I’d call him later just to check in and see how he was doing.

When I got off the phone, I started to look around for Maria. I didn’t feel the same dread I had on other days about the people I was going to hook up with weren’t going to show. I KNEW Maria would be there and I waited patiently. I knew she had a ticket and wouldn’t miss this trip for anything. Finally, after the three buses had pulled up and parked, I saw them very far away. They were walking slowly and seemed rather exhausted. Once I officially confirmed it was them, I went over. I found out that they had run there from Pollock Halls (a 20 minute walk) because they had woken up late. They were 10 minutes early, so I don’t know why they were stressed out. They’ve started telling us to get there at 9AM, so we can leave by 9:15AM instead of getting there at 9:15AM and not leaving till 9:30AM.

We quick said I hellos and then I had to leave to get on Bus 1 (ticket numbers 1-47). I was handed a flier as I tried to get in a position to be able to get on the bus. An asian boy and girl pushed their way in front me, rudely and I was taken aback, stumbling back a step or two and losing my place. Another two people pushed their way in front of me. I finally was able to regain my position and got on the bus. I took my seat behind the driver and started looking over the itinerary. Bus 3 had a different schedule than bus 1 and 2 and I was concerned that I wouldn’t see Maria and Claudia, so I left my purse and asked the girls to help me find out where my friends were. One of them had to go to Bus 2 anyways, so she asked if Maria F. was on the bus. She came back and said no, she was probably on Bus 3, so I quick grabbed my purse and went to try to get a spot on Bus 3. After waiting and waiting, I finally found out that she wasn’t on Bus 3, but was on the top of the list on Bus 2, so I went back to Bus 1 and I had lost my seat. I had to sit in an aisle seat next to a tall boy who was essentially taking up two seats, because he was spreading his legs out and he didn’t want to put his backpack on the shelf above our heads.

As I tried to get comfortable I opened my book and tried to start reading, but I felt so hot and clammy. It was just the temperature change and I hoped it would go away, since I find it very difficult to get comfortable when I feel this way. Thankfully, we finally started our trip. The International Student Volunteers announced what was going on with the trip over the bus’ loudspeaker, telling us we were going to Falkland Palace first and then we would meet up and head over to St. Andrew’s. Then we all settled in for the ride.

The drive was very beautiful. I wish I had my camera out so I could have tried to take pictures through the windows. We drove over the Forth Road Bridge which passed by the famous Forth Bridge, which was impressive to see. I really wish I could have taken a picture. It was so beautiful and the surroundings were spectacular. And on we went, still, to Fife and the Falkland Palace.

I was eavesdropping on the girls next to me, since their conversation was so much easier to enjoy than trying to read while the bus took crazy turns and bounced and jolted along. They were talking about their boyfriends. The one girl’s boyfriend was coming out to visit in two weeks. He was apparently a bit older than her, as well, and she talked about their relationship in a strange way. If he really was the one she wanted to marry, why was she being so flippant about “well, IF we last three years we’ll talk about marriage.” She seemed to almost dread talking about even being married, and yet she was dragging this poor boy into a long distance relationship for three years! I don’t see them lasting for very long, especially if he is off testing the waters of his life and the same as her. Trust me, you have to be in-sync in order to make these kinds of relationships work.

The French girl was also talking about her relationship with a man almost twice her age. She’s roughly 19 and her boyfriend was in his mid-to-late-thirties. He is divorced, living with his ex-wife of 10 years and his son. When he met her, he was blown away by her and finally took the steps to be aloof from his living situation. But she talked about him in a strange way, as well. The one story she told really stuck in my head and almost bugged me. She was out with a friend, goodness knows where, and her boyfriend called her to say hi and she told him she was out with a friend and he said “don’t forget about your essay tomorrow” and she hung up on him. She then ignored him for a few days, regardless of his phone calls, text messages, etc. When she did finally get together with him, she told him that she didn’t appreciate him telling her what to do and that she could take care of herself. I thought it was a really rash conclusion to jump to. I mean, he was just being thoughtful. But that was her example of him controlling her and if that’s the worst that he gets, I’d hardly say that’s controlling. The other girl started telling her to watch out, because she shouldn’t be controlled that she should watch out for that and leave him if that’s what he’s doing. Apparently the guy also talked to the girl’s mom about marrying her, because he is really serious. The mother said it was fine, as long as the girl was happy, but the girl seemed to be spooked by it. I don’t really think she loves him and I think she’s just stringing the poor guy along and really toying with his emotions, especially to be all explosive about his carrying attitude.

It made me really appreciate the relationship I have with Ray. At the same time, it also made me think about how Ray gets explosive when I remind him of something, like I’m trying to force him to do something. He’s hung up on me before for that kind of thing. I guess he thinks it’s okay for him to do it, but not a woman or something. I don’t know. But it’s not a controlling thing, I don’t think. I don’t know. It’s just weird. And I thought the girls were really immature in their discussion of their relationships. They have to grow up a lot if they want their relationships to last these kinds of distances without severe damage. But I put their conversation aside soon enough, because we were arriving in Fife.

Once we arrived at the Palace there was a mad rush to get into the Palace. Groups were only allowed in 25 at a time and in 15 minute increments. It was a very foggy morning with light sprinkles, so the weather was incredibly damp. I met up with Maria, Claudia and Nat and we started to take pictures and look around. After a little time had passed we made our way into the Palace. Sadly, we were not allowed to take pictures. It broke mine and Maria’s hearts, because the Palace was so beautiful and perfect and we wished there was a way to preserve it in our minds with photographs. I even looked all over for indoor pictures of the castle, but there weren’t any. Not even postcards, except of the Chapel! Not even any photo books! So all I can say is go there!

It was a wonderful palace, though. Claudia, Maria and I agreed it was a perfect living-in castle. It felt like even we could move in and live there with ease. Two library/study places that felt so enchanting. So many beautifully carved beds and cupboards. The ceilings were painted with such elaborate detail and the views from the windows were spectacular! It just felt amazing.

We went over to the Chapel after looking through the initial parts of the palace. I think Claudia was overwhelmed by the religious aspects of it. I wanted to light a candle for my mom and brother, but I somehow felt like this would be some sort of sacrilegious thing to do, considering it was a Catholic Chapel and I am a Lutheran. I said a prayer, though, but didn’t cross myself like many other people did. It was a moving experience, but I was note moved to tears like Claudia. I felt distanced from her, actually. I felt closer to Maria than Claudia, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.

After that we made our way into the tapestry hall, then up into another library/study where we also saw a signed picture of Prince Charles of Wales. Then we went down into the bakery cellar, which was brilliant. We talked about how we would love some fresh bread and good cheese and how that apparently was really hard to find here. It made me think of the Breadsmith and Panera and I missed home briefly. Then we went out into the corridor of the Palace that led to the Queen and King’s chambers. We took some quick pictures and then went inside.

More interesting things, like carved beds and cabinets. We even saw a punishment chair that was used on the royal children. Definitely an eek moment. Thank goodness for the time out spot, I tell you what. After the King’s Chambers we went up the stairs to the Queen’s chambers, which was supposedly one of the rooms that Mary, Queen of Scots used. It had a tiny prayer corner and the ornately carved bed and cupboard. As Claudia talked up the awkwardness of having a religious shrine in the bedroom, so close to where you sleep, the four of us heard a knock coming from across the room and to the left. Claudia thought I was trying to scare her, since it looked like I had my hand behind my back and knocked on something, but I told her it was in my pocket, which it was. I said no, that knock came from over there, it wasn’t me at all! We were all a bit spooked, especially since Mary, Queen of Scots’ death mask was hanging outside above the door. Maria mentioned that it might have been the heater, but the knock came from too far to the left of the heater for it to have been that. It was strange, especially since it was only the four of us in the room, too. Where had everyone else gone? Was it something or were we just too spooked…

We did have a funny joke, though while in the room. Claudia and Nat wanted to know what britches were, so Maria and I were explaining. Claudia commented on how scandalous it was, because you could see her ankles, but then also commented on how funny it was that they were concerned about ankles, but showed off their breasts in such revealing gowns. I was making a joke, which came off wrong, but was still funny. I said “oh, don’t look at my ankles” but as I did so, it looked like I was squeezing my breasts together, so they thought I was pretending to show off my breasts to distract them from looking at my ankles. It was funny, none-the-less. A good joke, to be quite honest. Then it was time to make our way out of the castle and to the gift shop.

Another joke happened on our way down this walkway to the gift shop. Tons of plants were on sale and I said “anyone going to buy a shrubbery?” Maria busted out laughing, because she thought of the Monty Python reference, which was admittedly funny. Maria and Nat had already kind of wandered off on their own. So we went into the gift shop and I started looking at postcards. I bought a thimble for my mom and then I bought like 10 postcards. I’m a postcard freak, so… I got one of the chapel for my brother, one of the oldest tennis courts for Kyle and one of St. Andrew’s Golf Course for my dad. The rest are for me to cherish and someday scan into my Postcard Collection. I thought the tennis court one would be fun for Kyle, because he plays tennis on the Wii and this tennis court is so old looking, I thought I could make a funny joke out of it in the note I’d write. I don’t know, I could be wrong.

After the gift shop we wandered the grounds taking pictures and talking about stuff. It was an incredibly pretty garden and the time of year just made it even more magical. I learned that Maria loves Phantom of the Opera and owns all the soundtracks. Claudia loves taking pictures of people and started using her photo timer, which she learned to use well. We took lots of fun pictures at the Lily Pond.

Then we made it to the Oldest Tennis Court! It wasn’t as awesome to the other people, I don’t think, but I was absolutely enthralled with it. The gallery was covered and part of the entry, while the tennis court was open to the air, but still enclosed. It’s hard to explain, but it was really neat. I was excited to have seen it. After taking a few pictures we started to make our way back up to the buses, especially since we didn’t see any other students wandering around. We were a tad early though and several of the students were entering the local shops and snack bars. Maria, Nat and Claudia went into one shop and as I went to go in, the shop lady shut the door on me and three other students and fiddled with the handle. I don’t know what that was all about, but I finally just went in anyways. Nothing real impressive inside, so I left and took a few pictures of the town.

It was back on the buses and I parted once again with Maria, Nat and Claudia. I, again, could not sit next to a window, because some overbearing French girl and her “friend” wanted to sit together and explained to me that they wanted to sit together, so I should just sit with the guy who was across from me. It was a bit irritating, since I was sitting in the aisle AGAIN! Everyone was eating their lunches as we made our way over to St. Andrews and I decided to eat my sandwich and leave the crisps (chips) for if we all sat down together to eat something. The trip to St. Andrew’s wasn’t very comfortable, though, as the roads were very winding and bumpy with lots of turn-abouts and things like that.

But we did finally arrive and pulled up right in front of the first golf course EVER! The bus drive made a joke about Prince William getting a degree in geography at St. Andrew’s University and said who cares where the capital of America is. I was a bit surprised about that, but whatever. People love bashing America and to be honest, we don’t really step up and stop it, because instead of having a bit of pride when we meet people, we are all too eager to bash our own country. You don’t here French, Germany, Chinese or Japanese people walking up to you for your first meeting and telling you about how their economy is so bad and the schools are so bad, etc. No, you hear them praise their opportunity to travel and be apart of an international school. They are proud of their country and save any questionable talk about the status of their country for future meetings. Americans seem all too eager to divulge the negativity of American culture instead of sharing with everyone the positive side. No wonder countries have such a poor opinion of American Tourists. This idea of free speech is what aides in our negative international stereotype.

We all got off the bus and we were told we needed to be back at the bus by 3:30 and that we were going to go to the Castle first and then the Cathedral and then we could do whatever we wanted. It was a bit of a walk up to the Cathedral. We passed one of the buildings that is part of St. Andrew’s Campus. It was very pretty. Then we passed the Castle ruins. Apparently the Castle was temporarily closed for lunch, so a few of us went down to the beach. I quick collected some sand for Laura, because I’m a nice person even though I don’t like her very much. Maria kept talking about how she longed to go swimming. I was trying to take some pictures, but there were so many students down there.

Then we were called back up to the Castle and we were let in. Again, an influx of students made it difficult to get good pictures. Maria and I were reunited with Claudia and Nat, even though they seemed more eager to take pictures of themselves that wander around. I think they also were some of the first people in, whereas Maria and I were some of the last. I didn’t get to see the whole castle, though, because Claudia and Nat wanted to go to the Cathedral and then we were told we needed to go if we wanted to get in free with the group. I didn’t know where Maria had gone to, though, but I wasn’t about to leave her behind like Claudia and Nat. I called for her and asked a few people if they saw her. I started inching towards the gift show door, but I didn’t want to completely leave. Finally I saw her and waved and yelled that we had to go if we wanted to make it to the Cathedral. She hurried and we had to make a quick stop in the gift shop. I got a St. Andrew’s Golf Ball for my dad, a St. Andrew’s Spoon for my mom and a pin for myself, as two postcards. Then Maria and I started to hustle in the direction that we saw people going.

There was no reason for us to have hurried, because the place was wide open. You could come and go was you wanted. We all had split up and I walked around to the back of the Cathedral yard. I finally met up with everyone when I made my way back towards the middle and where the gift shop stood. I saw Maria, who had already made her way around the whole place. I also saw Lurch a few times. I was really appealed, though, by these Japanese girls who were being so rude about the graves. One of the girls climbed up onto one and started posing. How would they like it if I went to their graveyards and started posing on their ancestral shrines?

But later, Maria freaked me out a bit too. She wanted a picture of her laying in the crypt things and then also eating at a table-top grave. I guess the different with her laying in the crypt was that no one was buried in it… it was empty and she wasn’t actually eating off the table, just kneeling next to it with her food. I don’t know, it was all just a little weird for me. Claudia and Nat had met up with some guy named Jan and we all agreed it was maybe time to head to the beach for some lunch and, instead of going farther north, head south towards where the bus would be and where the golf course was. No one seemed as interested in the golf course as me, but I guess that’s because I wanted to get pictures and things for my dad.

So we went down to the beach where we were before to eat lunch and Maria wanted to go swimming. Once again I was left to help Maria with Claudia and her friends did their own thing. I had to hold up this shawl as a towel while Maria changed. When she was done we went over to the rock where everyone else was sitting. I took Maria’s camera and snapped some photos while she waded into the water and started swimming. Then I gave the camera to Nat so I could take some pictures with my camera and shoot a video for her. Then I took some of my own pictures, since the beach was a little less deserted.

When she was done swimming, she came back up to the rock and decided she wanted to get changed, so again I tried to help her keep covered. Maria finished getting dressed, not without getting hit by a wave, though. Then we all munched a little more and I wanted Maria to take a few pictures of me out on the rock by the sea. It’s funny, because the tide was coming in and I wasn’t getting water where I was standing, but by the time Maria took two pictures the wave came up and splashed me from behind, hitting my shoes and my pants. So even though I didn’t go swimming, I still got wet.

Finally I started to walk towards the stairs and stress that I would be going to the golf course and it was close to the time we had to meet the buses. So I started up the stairs. Claudia got up the stairs ahead of me, set her camera timer and took another stairs picture of all of us walking up the stairs from the beach. Maria needed to go to the bathroom, so we stopped at the Castle and she ran in and Nat went and bought some stuff. I was outside with Maria and Jan and they were talking about languages. As we walked, I was asked about messaging services and talked to them about the Royal Mail strike. The way they talked about the mail was somewhat silly to me, saying they didn’t want to even send anything until the strike was over, because it’d probably all get lost somewhere. When mail people strike are we supposed to be scared about our mail? I mean, I know we won’t get our mail on time, but should I fear that my mail will be destroyed or something?

Then they were talking about Skype and then YouTube and Facebook and MySpace. I don’t know, it wasn’t my type of conversation. I don’t care what kind of messenger I use. I don’t care about watching stuff on YouTube and I don’t really understand the draw of Facebook and I think it’s silly and MySpace is just a passing fancy for me as well. I’m an online blogger, not an online socializer. But either way, it came back to Jan making sweeping generalizations about Americans and they’re lifestyles. Ya’ know, I don’t go around saying bad things about other countries, so where do these people getting off constantly reducing me to be like “other Americans.” When I categorize someone via their country when I write about them, it’s so that when I look back I can see how diverse the people are and if I find commonalities, so be it, but I don’t judge people based on where they’re from. I already know I’m not at all like the Americans I run into here, so I feel insulted when I’m compared to the bulk of Americans. I feel the label as an American so much being here and I don’t like it. Why do people here have to label everyone by where they’re from? And then to label me as a sweeping generalization of American, when American is like Europe… I don’t call French people “Europeans” and generalize them with all the other countries in Europe, so why don’t you not talk to me about “you Americans” unless you know something about where I’m from.

So I didn’t really like that guy very much, but I got stuck taking another Claudia-timered picture and then I went down to the golf course to take pictures. It was neat to see, even though not impressive. I guess it’s just the thrill of it and I kept thinking about how to get my dad a chance to play there. I wish I had time to go into the Golf Museum or someone who was interested, but I figured I’d be something to do when my dad came to visit.

As Maria and I saw there looking out over the course, we wondered where the buses were. We didn’t know they had arrived, but all the other students around us has left and no one said anything to us. We were so confused by people’s lack of consideration for those around them that it baffled us. So I got on my bus and once again got stuck sitting with the same kid I had sat with the whole way. It was going to be a long ride home and it hated how uncomfortable it was going to be. Sadly, the trip wasn’t at all comfortable and I had to listen to all the people complain about how hot it was on the bus and how unfair it was.

We passed the bridge again and I wished once more that I had a window seat and would have been able to take a picture. It was beautiful. The whole countryside was beautiful. It made me wish Ray would be here to take the trips with me, but he arrives right after our last actual trip. We just have functions after that. I’ll have to take him around myself to the few places that we can still go before winter settles in.

Finally we arrived in Edinburgh. I overheard a girl telling her friend where the Cameo and Filmhouse were and I leaned over and said if you actually turned there and go down there’s Cineworld, where you can see some of the bigger films that come out. We chatted briefly and then we were there. Some more complaining about how slow everyone was going getting off the bus and then I was finally off the bus. I ran into Claudia, Nat and Maria and I said goodbye. Maria wanted to make sure I was coming next weekend, too and I said absolutely!

So then we parted ways and I headed across campus to my bus stop. I called Ray to quick touch base with him. He was still with Nora and Dale driving down to see Kyle. He wasn’t real talkative or playful… I’m not sure why not, but oh well. I talked a little bit about the day and then I arrived at the bus stop and they had stopped to get lunch. So we said goodbye and hung up. Then I saw Lurch at the bus stop and once again he ignored my very presence or any gesture I made of saying hello. Just a little strange. I didn’t have to wait too much longer for the bus to come and once it did, I went to the top and sat up front against the window. I pulled out my book and started reading. I was somewhat distracted, though, by the loud Germans speaking German on the bus.

My stop came up and I got off and walked home as fast as possible. I wanted to resize and upload my pictures are quick as possible, plus I was a bit hungry and I wanted to make some dinner quick. So once I get the instant mashed potatoes done and the soup on the stove, I settled in to work on the pictures and watch a little mindless television.

I got all the pictures done and Maria was on, so I sent her the zips and then Claudia uploaded her few pictures to Facebook. I stayed up late so that I could talk to Ray. I called to see when he would be home about. At around 12:45AM he came online and I shared my pictures. I think I was looking for some comments on the pictures of me, because I was incredibly unself-conscious and took lots of pictures of me, but he only made some general comments about them. I guess that’s better than nothing. He asked me a few questions and then we talked about Kyle.

He seems to be doing better. I guess this was the first time they were there and Kyle’s name wasn’t in the highest color. Apparently he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to participate in something, so they “punished” him for it. I don’t see what the big deal was if he was sick, I don’t see why he should have points taken away, but hey… they know what they’re doing. And Ray got to say goodbye, so that’s important.

Then we talked on the phone for alittle bit. We talked about Cell and people. Another reminder how much Ray lets me just ramble. It’s all good, though and we ended our phone call friendly enough and I tried to fall asleep so that I’d be up early to talk to him online before he went to bed. It was 2:30AM last time I checked the clock and it was good to have the day be over and to feel like I did so many things. Sundays are the worst for me, though, because I feel depressed and upset on Sundays. But it’ll work out and I know this week will be hard on Ray, so I don’t want to stress him out. Soon he’ll be here and I won’t have to feel as depressed.